No, I am not married nor in a committed relationship. No, I am not sexually active nor am I thinking of adoption. Today I am 26 years old and am wondering : am I ready to be a mother? I am thinking about this because there is a right time for everything and today is the right time to wonder about this particular phase of my life.
Let me tell you a little more about myself. I am an engineer with a master's degree in control theory and am currently enrolled in a doctoral program. Being a student at this age is not fun. My friends have moved on in their lives and are successful in their jobs, are aspiring home-owners and parents. My family has just moved on and has stopped worrying about me, since I am a grown up. Financial independence means earning enough to cover rent and living in perpetual credit card debt. Add to that the onus of repaying student loans. My long distance relationship ended when my boyfriend did not long for me anymore and became distant. Times two. Getting a PhD takes time and eventually everyone moves away but you. This is not a particularly unusual situation. There might be many more in my boat. Well, fewer than you would think because women engineers are a measly 20% of the small-to-begin-with doctoral student population. Moreover, I am an Indian woman and that makes me a slightly rarer breed. But, a couple of thousand others must certainly be facing this issue.
Step back and count the number of women thinking of whether they are ready to be mothers, and that would be a large number. Let us dissect this thought.
Biologically speaking, my fertility has already peaked and soon it shall be on the decline. I am not scared of the biological clock but more that my uterus will soon be ticked off, not having been asked to be productive at all in its prime time, and then expected to perform overtime in its declining years. Do I really want to go through the anxiety of waiting for conception and the rigorous hormonal modification that may follow?
Genetically, I am at a disadvantage since cancer took my mother and that puts me and my progeny at greater risk. Do I really want to take that risk? Of depriving a child of their mother or of losing my child? Having lost my mother to cancer, I am not willing to sacrifice another on the altar of oncogenes. Do I really want to give up motherhood because of this intense pessimism?
Financially speaking, raising a child is not to be taken lightly. It will take me 5 years to clear off student debt, and that does not leave me enough time to save nor to conceive easily. Do I really want to compromise on my lifestyle for a child? My childhood was not the greatest. Do I make up for that by ensuring that my ward's childhood is great or do I, instead ensure that I have a great adulthood?
Romantically challenged person that I am, will I find a man with whom I would like to raise a child? Do I really want to raise a child alone? Will I find a suitable father in time?
Finally, let me get to the real point. Am I ready to be a mother, not knowing what it is like to have one?